One day God was looking down at Earth and saw all of the rascally behavior that was going on. So He sent one of his angels to earth to check it out. When she returned, she told God, “Yes, it is bad on Earth; 95 percent are misbehaving and only 5 percent are not.”
God thought for a moment and said, “Maybe I had better send down a second
angel to get another opinion.”
So God called another angel and sent her to earth.
When the angel returned she went to God and said, “Yes, it's true. The
earth is in decline; 95 percent are misbehaving, and only 5 percent are being good.”
God was not pleased. So He decided to e-mail the 5 percent that were good because he wanted to encourage them, and give them some encouragement to
help them keep going.
Do you know what the e-mail said?
Okay, just wondering, because I didn't get one either.
A Sunday school teacher asked her children to take some time on Sunday afternoon to write letters to God and bring them the next week. One boy wrote, "Dear God, we had a good time at church today. Wish you could have been there."
A little girl was watching her father, a pastor, write a sermon. "How do you know what to say?" she asked. "Why God tells me," he replied. "then why do you keep crossing things out?"
Church SquirrelsThere were five country churches in a small
One day, the Presbyterian Church called a session meeting to decide what to do about the squirrels. After much prayer and consideration they determined that the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn't interfere with God's divine will.
In The Baptist Church the squirrels had taken up habitation in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a cover on the baptistery and drown the squirrels in it. The squirrels escaped somehow and there were twice as many there the next week
The Methodist Church got together and decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God's creation. So, they humanely trapped the squirrels and set them free a few miles outside of town. Three days later, the squirrels were back.
The Catholic Church came up with an effective solution. They baptized the squirrels and registered them as members of the church. Now they only see them on Christmas and Easter.
They're Back! Church Bulletins: These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.
Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing "Break Forth Into Joy."
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00PM - prayer and medication to follow.
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
The Sunday School Teacher asked, "Now Johnny tell me honestly do you say your prayers every time before you eat?"
“No sir,” little Johnny replied, “I don't have to. My mom is a good cook"
A young minister dashed through the church office, finished sermon in hand held high over his head. “This sermon has everything, wit, charm, pathos, insight, depth, humor. What more could the congregation hope for?,” the minister said. Without looking up from her work, the bored looking church secretary replied, “Laryngitis.”
